Wow and Other Unwanted Pregnancy Comments

by jessicaturner on October 9, 2014

What not to say to a pregnant womanMe with 2 pregnant friends & colleagues who just had their babies last month

Last week, I cried almost every day because of comments made about my pregnant belly. Because I’m petite (5’0″) and this is my third pregnancy, I popped even earlier than with my other two children. At nearly 27 weeks, my belly is large and in-charge. Throughout this pregnancy, I’ve had a positive self-image, but lately that confidence has dwindled.


Because nearly every day last week I had someone ask when I was due. When I would say in three months, I usually received a “WOW” as in, wow, you are big and wow that is a long-time from now, how are you going to make it.

It was always directed at my size. Always.

I would respond with a half-hearted laugh and a “yep, guess my body knew what to do this time around” or “downside of being short – there’s no where for the baby to go,” but inside I felt shame and wanted to cry.

After having two people comment on my belly before 9 a.m., I called my friend Sarah as I drove to work. A petite mama like me who has four kids, I knew she would commiserate. She did and reminded me that I need to remember that my body was doing what it was supposed to do – growing to accommodate that beautiful little life being knit in my womb.

I’m not sure why some people feel like pregnancy is an invitation to make remarks about a woman’s size, but after three pregnancies, I can attest that this is the case.  Last week, I shared with Matthew about how the comments made me feel. He hugged me, told me I was beautiful and later on wrote on Facebook:

Friends, just because a woman is pregnant, that does not give us permission to talk about her weight, marvel at the size of her belly, or rub her tummy like she’s Buddha. Just because a woman is pregnant, that does not make your oohs, ahhhs, & wows not “personal”–pregnancy is always personal… Perhaps among our trusted inner circles these conversations are still acceptable. But that’s for those who are pregnant to decide and not for the rest of us to assume.

The post generated hundreds of likes and dozens of comments from men and women alike with similar stories. It made me feel better to know I wasn’t alone in my feelings of shame and frustration. It also demonstrated that though this has been said before, it needs to be said today.

Pregnancy is a wondrous miracle that should be celebrated. The changes that a woman’s body goes through are intense, both physically and emotionally. During the season of pregnancy, and in the months that follow, mothers should be treated with compassion, through actions and words. Pregnancy is NOT an invitation to remark on the size of a woman.

If you know a woman is expecting and feel compelled to comment on her pregnancy, ask about her or celebrate the baby. Be tender and say things like:

  • How are you feeling?
  • Can I help you in any way?
  • You have that beautiful pregnancy glow.
  • What are you most looking forward to when the baby comes?

Do not say things like:

  • When are you due? (Unless this person is a close friend or family member, you don’t really need to know.)
  • Wow. (Wow should be reserved for things that are truly incredulous and never about a woman’s size.)
  • Are you having twins? (Unless this information is offered, it should not be suggested. Ever. When I was pregnant with Elias I had a delivery man who delivered to my office repeatedly ask if I was having triplets. Eventually I got so upset my office manager put him in his place.)
  • Your belly looks small – is the baby okay? (Though this hasn’t been my story, I have had friends who have had this experience. If there is cause for concern about growth, the mother’s doctor or midwife will raise that concern.)
  • Can I touch your belly? (Because seriously, would you do this to someone who was not pregnant? Unless the mother offers, do not ask.)

Some might argue that asking about due dates or commenting on a woman’s belly are not intentionally hurtful comments, but that isn’t the point. What matters is how those comments make pregnant women feel.

When you were pregnant, did you have people say things about your size or state of pregnancy that hurt your feelings? What did they say and how did you respond?

Because the comments on this post are no longer productive, I have turned the comments off on this post.

Stephanie October 9, 2014 at 5:44 am

I carried both of my kids somewhat small and totally in the front. I got the comment “Really? You’re so small. Is the baby ok?” Both of them were born full term and healthy. It doesn’t seem to matter how you carry your kids people will have something to say!

Rachael October 9, 2014 at 11:19 pm

I never was offended by when are you due unless it followed with a wow. Asking me when I was due was like showing that they cared or may have wondered if I knew the sex. Which I never minded telling and was proud to announce the sex of the baby. I was and am I proud Mommy. The worst I got was oh you poor thing. I was like what do you mean? I then was informed that she thought I was 12. I was 19 and married and had tried for my buddle of joy.

Emily October 10, 2014 at 9:26 am

Not to mention if something WAS wrong you don’t need it brought up and you certainly aren’t going to discuss it with a total stranger! How insensitive!

Shannon October 10, 2014 at 9:33 am

I agree people do the same if you aren’t very big!

Becky October 14, 2014 at 2:01 pm

I’m currently 26 weeks and around 20 weeks is when my belly really started to grow and I got horrible comments from my in laws like fatty or beer belly. Needless to say my husband had a little chat with them! All comments i hear are only about my size and i only realized this until reading this article! People do ask if I’m gaining enough weight which also drives me insane!

Liz Curtis Higgs October 9, 2014 at 5:55 am

First, I have to tell you how BEAUTIFUL the three of you look! A legit “Wow!” And yes, everything you’ve written is spot on, Jessica. The hardest comments for me came AFTER I delivered my babies, when people looked at my round stomach and said, “When are you due?” So disheartening! To your wise statement, “Pregnancy is NOT an invitation to remark on the size of a woman,” I would go a step further and say it is never appropriate to remark on a woman’s size. God created us in all different shapes and sizes. Isn’t that wonderful?

Melissa Hutsell October 9, 2014 at 11:17 am

Oh how I resonate with this. I am an apple shape. I have delivered six healthy boys. I am about 15 pounds overweight and carry most of that right around my middle. My youngest is five and just last week a WOMAN cashier asked me when I was due. She was horrified when I said I wasn’t pregnant and asked me please not to be hurt, that it must have been the way I was standing. I smiled and exited quickly and cried in the car. Words hurt. I get it, I have a poochy belly, but I in no way looked pregnant enough to have anyone (esp a woman) ask me that. SO I agree with the comment that it is never appropriate to comment on a woman’s size. Ever. And I am esp sick of women doing this to other women. We should KNOW better.

Anna Rendell October 9, 2014 at 3:10 pm

Ugh, I got my first postpartum ‘when are you due?’ in church last week. Nothing stings quite like it. With my second pregnancy, I had to have a reality check with myself when I started to want to lie to people about how far along I was. I was getting so many of the ‘wow! you’re huge!’ comments that I was no longer proud of the healthy pregnant belly I had. It’s so hard.

Jess, you are lovely. The end.

Becky October 14, 2014 at 2:09 pm

This is one of my biggest fears post baby! I am having my first child and have no idea how fast or slow I will bounce back to my “normal” self. I’m worried the first time I hear this I’ll instantly start crying!

Ashley October 9, 2014 at 5:59 am

People can be so rude!! You are adorable and I love seeing your pictures as the baby grows.
My 3rd is 6 weeks old and I’ve had rude comments with all 3. With my first, a close (guy) friend said, “Wow!!! You’re huge!!” …in public, with lots of friends around. I was humiliated!!
When my 2nd was over a year old, a stranger asked me if I was pregnant. I was so shocked that I couldn’t just play it off like I was. I told her no, and then she stumbled over her words trying to make it better, but really just made it worse.
People just need to keep their mouths shut. I drill it in my husband’s brain that he should NEVER even acknowledge that a woman is pregnant. Comment on something else- ask about her life, comment on her new haircut, anything but her pregnant body.

Lynn October 9, 2014 at 6:18 am

Thank you for your reminder of the things that we should not say to expectant mothers.
I have a question. I have, for many years, greeted the little ones endearingly leaning forward and speaking directly to Mommy’s tummy and saying some similar to, “Hello little baby in there!” Of course, I would only do this to someone that I know. Most of the time I know the baby’s name so I will address the baby by name. I never dreamed that something like this might be offensive to a new mommy. Do any of you reading this have a problem with something like this?

jessicaturner October 9, 2014 at 6:23 am

I think if you have a relationship with the person, that is probably acceptable. But if you do not have a relationship with them, it is best to be more boundaried.

Sarah October 9, 2014 at 10:40 pm

I personally would have a problem with that. I become very protective of myself and my body when I’m pregnant (I think it’s an innate, primal instinct of some sort). Even when I know the person, I really don’t like others touching my belly or talking to the baby. I was extremely uncomfortable when my father in law touched my belly with my first pregnancy and even though he has yet to do that again, he still makes me feel uncomfortable when he asks questions that are just a little too personal.

Sarah October 9, 2014 at 11:23 pm

I HATED that! Even when it was my sister, we are extremely close and I still felt so uncomfortable! Every time I had to refrain from smooshing my mouth against her stomach to talk .. so weird. Its not okay to talk to my stomach, I don’t care who you are or how close we are, no no no! Lol sorry to be so passionate but I’m to nice to yell at my sister and my mother-in-law so I’m yelling at you! Unless otherwise instructed… it is never okay to speak to someone else’s belly!

Sarah K October 9, 2014 at 6:32 am

My whole weight loss journey was launched by a regular customer at the restaurant I worked at. When My youngest was four MONTHS old, she asked me, “When are you EVER going to have that baby??!!”
I was so hurt that I couldn’t get it out of my head and I decided that everyone must also think I looked huge, so I fought back. Not the most healthy way to start, I admit.
Your words are so true and I think all of who have been through pregnancy have experienced this at least once and it is unfortunate. Thanks for writing so truthfully.

Maribel October 9, 2014 at 6:34 am

Ive gone through the same things as you. Im 5’2″ amd especially with my 2nd i had people say “wow, youre going to pop!” Or a” are you having twins”. “Whens yout due date, any minute now” when i still had 3 months to go.
The most hurtful comment was when i was breastfeeding my daughter and someone told me ” poor baby she’s gonna starve” You can guess why and it hurt. Bit i contibued to breadtfeed.

Amanda October 9, 2014 at 6:48 am


I got the “are you having twins?” with my first all.the.time. I didn’t get many comments with my second.

And then I did get pregnant with twins. (#3 and #4) And oh my stars, the questions. I got to the point where I would see someone’s mouth gaping open at my size and I’d preemptively say, “Yup. Twins.” I carried them to term, so I was quite big, but it still sucks to be told you are huge! They were 6 lbs 11 oz and 7 lbs 5 oz and perfect.

But the worst was when I was a year postpartum and someone from church came up to me and grabbed my still flabby belly and asked when I was due. :( She felt horrible and sent me an “I’m sorry” note in the mail later that week. :)

Jordan October 9, 2014 at 11:22 pm

Oh man, don’t you wish you had a shirt that said something like “yes it’s twins and no I’m not going to pop anytime soon.” I sure felt that way when I got pregnant with my twins( #3 and 4). I’m 5’1″ and ppl acted like I was a freak of nature!

Jo-Lynne Shane {Musings of a Housewife} October 9, 2014 at 6:55 am

I just sent this to my pregnant friend. Amen, and amen. You look GORGEOUS, by the way. You have that 2nd trimester pregnant glow. xo

Yvonne October 9, 2014 at 6:56 am

When i was pregnant with my twin girls people would blatantly stare at me. I’m tall and slim but had a huge high bump and i got asked a lot when i was due, it got rather tedious having to explain not for ages, i’m having twins. People touching and being generally intrusive with their comments at a time when you nauturally feel more vulnerable can hurt but i do think that in a lot of cases people don’t realise the impact of their words.

Corine October 9, 2014 at 7:03 am

First let me say -ignore those people! I think you look glowing and beautiful in all of the update pics you post!

Second, I would like to add to the list “was this planned?”
I got that (and still get a variation of it) when I was expecting my third.
He actually WAS planned and that is mind blowing to people because there’s a 5 year gap between the baby and my daughter. So I also got a lot of “You were in the clear. now you’re starting over”… Which was equally annoying.
Add that to the list too.

Sometimes people just don’t think before they speak.

Stephanie October 9, 2014 at 10:05 pm

I hate the “planned” question but my personal most unwanted comment is “Haven’t you figured out what causes that yet?” So intrusive.

Dana Wise October 10, 2014 at 10:40 am

Ugh, yes. My husband and I have chosen to have as many children as The Lord gives us. I got pregnant about two months after we got married, then just over 17 months later had baby #2, and 2 years and 3 months after that baby #3. Baby #3 is 7 months old, and this past week I thought I might be pregnant again. Hubby and I would have been excited and fine with it, but some of the first thoughts I had were about what people would say, and the inevitable “do you know what causes that yet?!” “joke”. That’s not right and upsets me when I think about it. I am not pregnant again yet, but I am more determined this time to be bold and speak up when people are rude, insensitive, or just have negative thoughts about children and pregnancy.

Another thing that was VERY annoying with pregnancy #3 was when I was overdue. I was 5 days later before being induced with #1 and no one said much. I was induced two days early with #2, so no problem there. But #3 I did thinks different and was not induced and our precious daughter decided to be 12 days “late” before making her arrival. Everyone was like “I feel sorry for you” or “you poor thing” when they heard I was that overdue. Then the “helpful suggestions” started. I lost track of how many people informed me that they’ve heard having sex can start labor and maybe we could try that. SERIOUSLY?!?! I wanted to start yelling when someone would ask when I was due, “I AM OVER A WEEK LATE AND WE ARE HAVING SEX AS MUCH AS WE CAN BOTH STAND AND THE BABY IS GOING TO COME WHENEVER THE BABY WANTS TO FREAKIN’ COME, OK?!?!?!” So awkward! I can stand a lot and brush off a lot but stop asking about our sex life or I will make you feel more awkward than you make me feel! If you don’t want to REALLY know about it, DON’T GO THERE!!!

Catilla October 17, 2014 at 9:59 pm

“Don’t you know what causes it?”
Response: Yes we do, and we enjoy it very much. Want to come over and watch our home movies?”

That’ll shut them up forever.

Sarah October 9, 2014 at 11:32 pm

My mom had 9 and the comment that made me beyond furious was, don’t they know what birth control is? What is wrong with people! What ever hapened to boundaries??

Jennifer October 10, 2014 at 8:12 pm

Totally took an elderly guy in my church off guard when” with #3, he said , “Don’t you know what causes that?” I replied, “YES! I finally figured it out! I don’t wash our underwear together any more!” He about died and couldn’t believe I said that. I said, “I can’t believe you asked that.” :-)

Karalee October 13, 2014 at 1:46 am

I laughed so hard about what you said, Jennifer! I am so not quick witted. Thank you for your words! I had an older man in my church (whom I loved dearly) tell me the “fix” to not getting pregnant was to keep “holding an aspirin between my legs!” This was only my second, planned child and my kids are 3 1/2 years apart. This was at a church dinner with many people around. I was mortified and I don’t have a good poker face. I wanted to shout for all to hear how thankful I am that my husband and I have a healthy marriage and we’ve had sex more than just twice. How much sadder that would have been if that comment was used when a couple had tried to get pregnant for a while. I don’t know what it is about pregnancy, but good, kind people can say the worst, inappropriate things in a public setting sometimes whenever pregnancy is involved. So sad.

Angela October 9, 2014 at 7:07 am

I echo Liz – I just adore that picture of you three stunning, glowing ladies! Beautiful! My story is different from yours in that I was one of those women who “showed small” during my first pregnancy. Many people didn’t even know I was pregnant until month 7 and at that time I was bombarded with comments from concerned friends and strangers alike. The harshest and most presumptuous and hurtful comment is one I’ll never forget: “You need to care more about your baby’s health than your figure! Go eat a cheeseburger or something!” I cried for hours over that one … it broke my heart to think that people believed I was intentionally starving my baby, when in fact I was eating like a hobbit. My baby’s health was the most important thing to me … I wanted to be bigger … I wanted my belly to be “large and in charge.” I worried that I was failing my baby before she was born. Such doubts really contributed to a very serious prenatal mood disorder. My belly remained on the small size until I gave birth to a very healthy, 7 pound girl who was not in anyway malnourished. That was ten years ago, and remembering those comments still stings just a bit. Thank you for writing this thoughtful post to help others understand how much their words matter and how important it is to choose them wisely.

Judy October 9, 2014 at 7:15 am

I will NEVER understand how a pregnant woman is an excuse for people to remove their filter from their mouths. I just had our fourth child 2 weeks ago, and heard comments every day that made me want to scream, cry, or both. I work at a hospital and saw numerous people every day. My competency at my job was questioned as well as my sanity once people probed enough to find out it was my fourth child. I wanted to print a tshirt that said: 4th child. Same Daddy. Have other hobbies. I finally had to answer questions with “full hands and a full heart” comments and “not all women are as highly blessed”. And remind myself that ALL children are a BLESSING from The Lord.

Crystal October 9, 2014 at 7:31 am

When I was pregnant with my girl, the pastor at the church we’d been attending {we’re no longer there for a number of reasons, but this guy included} looked at me before the service and said “Whoa. Didn’t you know horizontal stripes make you look larger?” Yeah. Thanks, buddy.

Debbie October 9, 2014 at 7:50 am

Once again you hit the nail on the head…nice job. The thing is women will always remember the “hurtful” things said to them during/after pregnancy… Hopefully its women that are not being so careless when opening their mouth’s. Everyone needs to make a guy or two read your blog today. You are an amazing woman…So proud of you every single day !

Lillian M October 9, 2014 at 7:58 am

Jessica, never mind what they have to say, what goes around, comes around, one way or another. God has a way of taking care of things …

You are beautiful inside, out, and blessed with God’s gift. Never mind the small minded people out there, read the good comments, and for giggles and kicks, delete the comments that you don’t like.

It was so sweet of your husband to make his point known on his facebook page, tell him he’s the Best !

God Bless You, Baby and Your Family :)

Amanda October 9, 2014 at 8:01 am

I am so sorry that folks didn’t think before saying these things to you. I saw Matthew’s post on Facebook, and, for what it’s worth, I agree with him: you are beautiful.

When I was expecting our first daughter, I carried her small and was often met with looks of disbelief when I explained how far along I was. It even spilled into a visit with one of the midwives at my OB, who berated me for not eating enough and warned me that a growth scan might be necessary if I didn’t do better. I left in tears, and I didn’t feel better until my next appointment with a different doctor. He took one look at me (4’10 1/2) and my husband (5’9) and said, “You’re fine. I mean, no offense, but given the size of you two, it’s not like you have the next WNBA star in there.” We all had a good laugh, and several weeks later, my daughter was born at a healthy 6 lbs 14 oz.

One thing I would add as a thing not to say is to ask whether or not the pregnancy was a result of assisted reproductive technology, like IVF. (This is especially true for pregnancies of multiples, but I think it applies more generally speaking as well.) The act of creating a child, no matter how it’s done, is intensely personal, and no new mother (or father for that matter) should feel that she has to address the intimate details with anyone who is, for lack of a better way of saying it, sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.

Cara October 9, 2014 at 8:09 am

I’m so sorry you’ve been getting hurtful comments.
I would also add that it’s part of our culture’s ingraining that we find them hurtful — there shouldn’t be any shame in being large especially when pregnant! And yet I remember feeling hurt when I got those “Wow!” comments and my cousin recently expressed the same about people questioning how small she is at 7 months pregnant.
We should just be confident in who we are all the time and say “Heck, yeah, there is a human being in there! Of course my stomach is huge!”
Maybe one day we’ll all get there. I know I didn’t – it stung to hear “Oh I thought you were due any day!” When I was seven months pregnant. I brushed it off as ignorant since I was always measuring exactly right for how far along I was…and it still hurt my feelings!

Dawn October 9, 2014 at 8:14 am

Jessica, you are beautiful – I love pregnant bodies – I am a mom of six, also 5′ and I was round and all in front with each one. My husband taught me to be like a duck and just let the comments roll off like water on a duck’s back. He loved and appreciated every curve.

Traci October 9, 2014 at 8:19 am

My first pregnancy, I was asked one time if I was having twins. I smiled, said ” no” and chalked it up to ignorance. I developed severe polyhydramnios with my second and hated leaving the house because of the comments and/or stares. I ignored some, some I smiled and joked back. All the while wanting to go back home and crawl in bed. I finally got to the point of telling an individual their comments were inappropriate and suggested alternatives. It didn’t go over well – I didn’t care. Even as I was being prepped for a c-section, the anesthesiologist and a nurse marveled at the size of my belly. I was too nervous for surgery, but wanted to say, “I have triple the normal amount of amniotic fluid in there you nitwit!!!”

Mia October 9, 2014 at 12:21 pm

Same thing! I made huge bellies because of that!

Danielle Smith October 9, 2014 at 8:19 am

You radiate all things that are beautiful about being pregnant. I so hate that anyone has taken even a moment of that feeling away from you, but I remember feeling exactly that way and have had this same conversation with so many friends.

I’m so glad you are talking about this again and I’m thrilled your amazing husband took to his Facebook wall to same the same thing. People need the reminder. I honestly believe we often speak before we think, forgetting that our words can wound, especially when someone (a pregnant someone) is feeling so fragile. I have never understood why pregnancy creates an open-season on a woman’s body….the focus should clearly be solely on compliments, on saying ANYTHING respectful that reminds that pregnant friend (or stranger) that she looks amazing.

Jess – this pregnancy is such a gift and the way you have been sharing it – both the beauty and the moments of insecurity – makes it all the more so. Big, huge hugs to you. You are a treasure – and easily one of the most glowing, lovely pregnant women I’ve seen. xoxo

Natalie Busch October 9, 2014 at 8:25 am

First of all, you do look amazing! I have that same Old Navy Maternity shirt. Kudos to your husband for posting that. I couldn’t agree more. I have felt the same way postpartum too. It’s like people look you up and down to measure how well you’ve come along after the baby. I call it being under the mommy microscope. This is not okay under any other circumstances why is it okay for pregnancy!? I will however continue to ask people their due dates. It’s not like I run up to pregnant women and ask them, but if we are in conversation I almost always ask. I would never comment on size though! I always follow it with “oh my daughter is a winter baby too” or “Your almost to the second trimester. That was my favorite part.” It’s just my way of reaching out to people and creating a sense of community.

Christy October 9, 2014 at 8:25 am

This is a great post! With my second the comments I got were your belly is so big you sure you aren’t having twins? To which I answered I’m sure my doctor would have let me in on that secret by now! Or your belly is so huge your baby must weigh ten pounds. This one always made me sad because I felt they were calling my baby fat before he was even born. I have always wondered why the mouth censors went out the window when people saw pregnant women. Hang in there you are a beautiful pregnant momma. I have thought that with all three of your babies!

Kelli October 9, 2014 at 8:29 am

I had lots of comments. Although, I can understand why some would be hurt by them, I was not. I took it as commiseration about how hard pregnancy can be. How hard carrying the extra weight can be. How hard waiting for due dates can be. I dealt with it by assuming the best intentions of people. They may not have meant it that way, they may have been being rude about my size but I guess I choose not to take it that way.

Vanessa October 9, 2014 at 8:34 am

I am 8 months pregnant with my second child and this pregnancy has been harder. I have been stressed with work, heavier and less active. Many people have made comments on my size…you sure there is only one in there? To how big was your first baby? You are big! The saddest part is most of these comments are from other women. Men are nicer and offer to help, just last night at a store alone the man offered to help me with my bag. Thank goodness my husband is supportive and can look past my size. But I agree Jessica, women we need to stop shaming each other, we are all beautiful and we all grow babies in different ways.

K October 9, 2014 at 8:37 am

I had neighbors INSIST that there was no way I would be carrying my baby another 3 months! But, oh, yes, yes, I did! I’ve had a woman who chose not to have children ask me “Why is it you get so big?” My mother-in-law even stated that I needed a skateboard underneath to help carry the load. I KNOW I was really big, although you couldn’t tell I was even pregnant except for my huge tummy, but still tears were shed. Every woman carries her babies differently and perfectly, just as God intended.

Ann October 9, 2014 at 8:57 am

My daughter is a labor and delivery nurse. Her comment on this would be that you do not say anything to anyone about being pregnant unless they volunteer the information or the baby is coming out. She has learned this through so many stories and circumstances where people were really hurt by comments.
You are beautiful!

Lindsey October 9, 2014 at 9:04 am

Great post! I had three boys and would get those kinds of comments all of the time, especially with the third when I was showing more. I would like to take it a step further and tell people not to ask about gender – or if they do, only say positive things in response. I would get people commenting all of the time, even right in front of my older boys, that they wish the third will be a girl. Total strangers! I would get sympathetic responses mostly when I would tell them it was a third boy. One person even told me she was sorry to hear that. REALLY? Sorry that I was adding another beautiful blessing to our family? I was in tears a lot that third pregnancy.

Jodi October 9, 2014 at 9:26 pm

Yes! We’re expecting our first child, a girl. It was a complete shock to me the first time I had someone comment that my husband must be disappointed the baby is a girl. I wasn’t expecting that response at all!

Catilla October 17, 2014 at 10:09 pm

I had the same thing happen. When my second child was revealed to my family to be a boy, one of my aunts actually said “Oh well, better luck next time.” They joked that if my third was a boy (he was) they’d buy him dresses anyways. I told them off at that point and the joking stopped. It really is hurtful, especially if the parent was hoping for the other gender. It’s not like we can control it (without the help of science). I mourned not having a daughter and them joking about it made it that much worse. Three boys bring more joys though 😉

Nelly October 9, 2014 at 9:18 am

I’m short as well, 5ft2in .
My last baby was 9lbs 7oz. I was HUGE! I never minded the “wow” and “twins?” Comments. It made me proud that I was growing a baby . I look back at pictures now and understand why people were impressed with the size of my belly :)
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and just like everything else in life.. It comes in different shapes and sizes. Be proud, be confident . I truly believe most people are not trying to be hurtful with their comments , but comment out of curiosity. Of course, there is always the people who should just never speak. Ever.

Lisa October 9, 2014 at 9:22 am

Very well said! I am a momma to 3 boys and each time showed earlier and earlier and had a big old belly! I definitely got the comments about twins or “you are going to pop”. I also worked with mostly men at the time and all were worried about me having the baby in the office, lol! Was just about to write about gender too…and read Lindsay’s response above. I cannot tell you how many people would say “sorry” or “I guess you’ll try for a 3rd/4th so you can have a girl”. As much as we would loved to have a girl, God had other plans and I love each and every one of my wild and crazy little boys. Nothing to be sorry about that!! :)
Ps- you look beautiful! Enjoy the pregnancy and try to shake off the comments. I miss being pregnant!

Christy S October 9, 2014 at 9:24 am

Jessica, you look beautiful! I am also petite and 5’0″. I only have a 10-month-old right now, so I don’t know what pregnancy will do to my body the next time around, but I was kind of the opposite with my boy last year–I looked small (though by the end I felt pretty big even if I didn’t look it). Even my doctors were a little concerned that I was measuring small so they ordered another ultrasound, which of course, made me worry that maybe the baby wasn’t growing like he should. It turned out everything was fine. As I got closer to my due date, I find it funny how people may make comments on when they think the baby will come. They didn’t think the baby had dropped even though my doctor checked and said the baby was very low (and I could kind of feel that myself too with all the pressure on my bladder!). One coworker even told me it would probably be a while before the baby came because it doesn’t look like I’ve dropped at all. My son came exactly a week later and 2 days before his due date. So I guess that showed her.

I also think people should make a point to talk to the mother about herself while she’s pregnant and even after the baby’s born. I kind of expect it, but people will sometimes walk up to me and talk directly to my baby, sometimes ignoring me completely (not intentionally, I know, but it would be nice to get some acknowledgement too).

Lillian October 9, 2014 at 9:51 am

I carry small – I just had my seventh and still I didn’t look obviously pregnant until the 3rd trimester. Everyone comments that it must be so easy for me and I’m so lucky not to be big and uncomfortable. That’s a “normal” size baby growing in there and since he’s not popping out that means he’s pushing into my insides. I’m plenty uncomfortable! I joke that one benefit of my triplets is that I actually looked pregnant. (And I was shocked by the number of personal, insensitive comments and questions I got when I was pregnant with triplets. It is NEVER OK to ask a woman if she used fertility treatments!)

Jill October 9, 2014 at 10:06 am

Thank you for this honest post! I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy and had both my own mother and my MIL (on different days) comment on how I was showing in my face!!! And I was only in my 2nd trimester. :( My response both times was to simply tell them “wow, that was rude.” This was enough to make them take a step back and never make a similar comment like that again! I also did get comments about there must be twins in there… and those I just let roll off my back because I knew that was a perfectly normal size for just one baby and they (always men) had no idea what they were talking about. I will say that I do think its okay to tell people who make such comments that it was rude or hurtful (like I did with my mom and MIL) …. as long as it is not said in a defensive way. It may prevent future comments and make people think twice.

Nicole Feliciano October 9, 2014 at 10:30 am

Can you reply back: “Wow, are you insensitive and stupid?”

Dawn Camp October 9, 2014 at 10:56 am

It’s sad that when I found out I was pregnant with my later children, one of the first things I’d say to my husband is, “It’s time to toughen up!” I was a larger pregnant woman with all but my first child, so size was always a comment. Also, people question you once you pass the two child mark. Apparently the biggest factor on whether or not a couple with have more children is whether they have both a girl and a boy. Our first three were boys, so people understood that I wanted a girl. Once we had a girl (#4), most people didn’t understand why we had more (we now have 4 girls and 4 boys and I can’t imagine my world without a single one of them).

Dianne October 9, 2014 at 11:28 am

Jessica, I don’t know you personally but hear me when I say, You are a STUNNING not-pregnant, but even more so pregnant. Your photos radiate beauty and joy that is so evident…And I’m not just saying that to make u feel better!! Seriously. Thank you for writing this. It may save some other amazing to-be mothers the same tears you cried.

Elizabeth October 9, 2014 at 11:41 am

I have 4 (and am pregnant with #5). I don’t really remember rude comments with my first two but I also lived in an area of a large population of pregnant women. By my 3rd propel started commenting that my belly button was ALREADY sticking out (dude the body remembers). I am super sensitive about it because I don’t love it sticking out as it is sensitive to touch and at the end of the belly it rubs against everything. By my 4th I had people asking me whenever I went anywhere if I was set to pop any day, for 2-3 months before I was due. Then they would look at me when I said not for awhile and tell me they were sorry for me. I hated it. I am not petite at 5’6″ but I carry all the baby out front. And she ended up being a 9# baby. Then people decided it was okay to tell me she was half-grown for 4 weeks after birth and I know 9# is bigger but it is not ridulously huge and I had hormones!
You look beautiful and you always will. You really do look quite adorable growing that baby.

Melissa C October 9, 2014 at 11:50 am

I literally just used the “I’m short, so there’s mo where for baby to go but out…” I’m only 18weeks along with my third but I feel like I should be farther along, just by the size of my belly. Several people have asked the due date and a couple of times, when it was with complete strangers, I lied and told them a close date. It’s nice to know that it’s not just me. I am starting to get more comfortable emotionally with how my body is, I’m Plus size & Pregnant but I’m also a Mother, Daughter, Teacher, Sister, Wife and oh did I mention assisting God to Create this new BEAUTIFUL life in my tummy!! Thank you for this, I needed it!! Godbless ladies !!

Erin @ My Mommy World October 9, 2014 at 11:58 am

Oh yes, I’ve had the same terrible comments! With my second baby, my stomach was extra big (and he turned out to be about the same size as the first baby) and people just couldn’t believe it…they thought that my husband must be 7 feet tall or that I was having twins.

The scariest thing was that complete strangers would come up to me to “warn” me about all the terrible things that vaccines could do to my baby, and they would ask me very personal medical questions…it was awful!

Mia October 9, 2014 at 12:16 pm

I got all of that said to me and it infuriated me. I only gained 17 lbs. with each pregnancy but had a huge belly protruding out that looked like a blimp. Add to that the fact that my belly was covered in stretchmarks and HURT like crazy (because I was developing diastasis recti and a hernia) and my self-esteem was through the floor. People I barely know touched my belly without even asking when I didn’t even let my husband touch it because it hurt so much. I told a stranger that it was rude that she had touched my belly and she got offended. SMH!

Jenna October 9, 2014 at 12:34 pm

Like you, I’m 5 feet tall and weighed 100 lbs pre-pregnancy. By 12-13 weeks, there was no hiding the fact that I was pregnant, and by 30 weeks, I was LARGE. By 40 weeks, I don’t know how I was even standing upright anymore, and by 41, she was FINALLY here. I gained 50 pounds. 50!! I got a lot of those comments while I was pregnant, but probably the most hurtful came when she was 10 weeks old. My stepdad (can barely tolerate him on a good day and absolutely detest him on a bad day – sorry, that’s the truth) rubbed his belly (as a sign of commiseration? I’m not sure) and told me that he had learned some new crunches to get rid of that if I wanted him to teach me. Seriously? I had already lost about 30 pounds by that point and I had a NEWBORN. I didn’t even start to lose the rest of the weight until I went back to work. Talk about insensitive. I just don’t know what’s wrong with some people.

Carol October 9, 2014 at 12:35 pm

I’m so glad you have a sweet friend to remind you that your body is doing what it is supposed to be. I am so glad that you believe that. Just know this….YOU ARE LOVED> by the One who made YOU and the One who is forming your sweet baby inside of you…It is soooooo easy to get discouraged by the things others say or don’t say…..Which I think is a way that God draws us to Himself for encouragement. It is a blessing to have others around us encouraging us but when we are alone, we HAVE TO REMEMBER….HE IS ALL WE NEED. HIS GRACE IS SUFFICent…no matter how ugly the looks and words get. HANG IN THERE GIRL>>> we are rooting for you! and that baby!!!!-Carol C.

Katie October 9, 2014 at 12:37 pm

I must agree! I have a beautiful 10 month old son and am 14 weeks pregnant with #2! My husband and I are over the moon excited about another precious baby joining our family! However, with this pregnancy I started wearing maternity clothes at 6 weeks…. I appeared to be 3 months along right away! I love being pregnant, and I love showing! But I have had comments from strangers already too… Once while carrying my son on my hip with his little leg hanging over my baby belly I had a store employee ask me if I was pregnant (her #1 mistake – NEVER ask a woman that question!) When I smiled and said “Yes!” she looked at my son with a disgusted look on her face and asked me how old he was. When I told her (at the time he was 9 months) she was shocked! She looked at me like I had just told her I own a unicorn! She told me that I should not have children that close together! We didn’t plan on #2 coming this quickly, but I didn’t need to explain that to her, AND who are we to say how far apart our kids should be?? If God had wanted more space between our kids He wouldn’t have blessed us with this one! We sure are glad He did and I don’t want to take one moment of it for granted! I love feeling the baby move inside me, even late in pregnancy when it’s uncomfortable and I can’t sleep! I am lucky to have a very supportive husband who loves every curve and LOVES seeing his wife grow his children!! (oh, and that lady asked then what my due date was and if I was having twins or more AND if we used fertility treatments!! Needless to say, we walked out of that store without buying anything because I was so upset!)

Teresa October 9, 2014 at 1:04 pm

I was not pregnant long enough to show very much, and we ended up adopting our children internationally, but I think that our situations are similar. We are conspicuous in public, and therefore we will get asked questions by people we know and don’t know. Most of the questions are harmless and asked by someone wanting to be friendly or show support for us, other questions may bother us but are usually asked by someone who has not been in exactly the same situation and doesn’t understand why it’s wrong to ask those questions, and other questions are just plain rude. In the six years we have had our children we have been asked many questions by many people and only had two people be intentionally unkind. Most people are really just ignorant of what is appropriate or not appropriate to ask and really are well-meaning, and I think that that is the same with women who are obviously pregnant. People are happy for you and want to show that; they just don’t always say what is right, and they probably wouldn’t be offended by someone saying the same thing to them. I think that answering them with humor, like you have, and realizing that most people are not trying to be critical or unkind with their questions is the best way to approach those situations.

Melissa c October 9, 2014 at 1:05 pm

Katie- *shocked face* I can’t believe that! My daughter was only about 5months old when we got pregnant with my son and I heard all sorts of comments, non out right rude but always a little snarky (ie: “You know what causes this right?!” or “Wooppies, talk about accident!”). God planned #1 & #2 for us :) and I thank Him everyday! This time around we planned and tried for a few months and we are blessed to recieve this next gift! I’m going to be perfectly frank, I weighed 277lbs before I got pregnant with #1 and when I delivered I weighed about 295lbs, with #2 before pregnancy (since they were so close; they’re about 14mons apart) I weighed about 285, then at time of delivery I weighed 320lbs! (So not feeling great at all) now with this one my pre-pregnancy weight was 245lbs, not a huge difference to some people but I really worked on my self to help my pregnancy this time around. I feel proud that I started (from 320lbs) 75Lbs lighter, and yes I still get the ” now we want you to only gain about 10-15lbs…(etc)” from my dr but I can handle that. We are All beautiful and loved!

Nicole October 9, 2014 at 1:24 pm

I’ve often asked a pregnant acquaintance or someone I’ve recently met “when are you due?” I’m not being nosy and I certainly wouldn’t follow it up with a comment about the mother’s size. I’m genuinely interested in that person’s life and want to welcome them to the crazy world of parenthood.

With my 2 pregnancies, I got sick of people asking me “how are you feeling?” and I make it a point to never ask that question of a pregnant woman. The real answer to that question, for me, involved hemorrhoids and heartburn – I can’t imagine someone wants to hear about that. It felt so fake giving them the pat answer of “pretty good” or “tired but hanging in there!”

cassandra October 9, 2014 at 9:02 pm

It is true that different women deal with different difficulties in their pregnancies. I think if you have a sincere interest then it is not wrong to ask someone when they are due. We just have to do our best to be sensitive, b/c pregnancy is a sensitive time! It usually made me laugh in a satirical sense when ppl would make negative comments to me during my pregnancy b/c I would be thinking, “Come on now! How are you going to mess with an emotionally unstable hormonally charged woman! This is certainly not your best idea!’ But those were obviously rude questions, not like “how far along are you?”

sarah October 9, 2014 at 1:26 pm

When I was pregnant with my first, people would tell me my belly was small (I was measuring right on where I should be for how far along I was) and that I was going to have “a tiny baby.” Those words always made me think of preemies who were not healthy, and never made me feel good. I know that people meant it as a compliment (women like to be small, right?) but it never accomplished that goal.
And by the way, you look great!

Heather Miller October 9, 2014 at 1:45 pm

The most hurtful comment I received when I was pregnant with my twins (and even more so after they were born), was “Wow, you really have your hands full! I am so glad I never had twins!” I am always in disbelief when these people don’t realize how hurtful this comment is. My twins are miracles, as my husband and I never thought we would be able to have children. So to have people tell me that they are glad they are not in my situation, as if it’s a burden, is upsetting. But I choose to smile and tell them how thankful I am for my babies and how much joy they bring me everyday. :)

Kelly H October 9, 2014 at 2:37 pm

Let me say, you are gorgeous and you do radiate!

I had the opposite issue, I am fairly tall and carried both of my kids “hip to hip” so I didn’t show for a very long time even though my clothes no longer fit. It was hard for others to see my pregnancy. The most offensive comment came when I was pregnant with my 2nd. There was a small fire where I worked and as we were evacuating, I made a comment about how my baby didn’t like all the fire alarms. A lady from another department said “Oh I didn’t know you were pregnant, I thought you had just gained weight.” I was about 6 months along at the point. That baby will be 8 next week and I’ve never forgotten her saying such an unkind thing about my size.

Megan October 9, 2014 at 6:22 pm

I am expecting our 4th, with kiddos aged 7, 5, and 2. I have received more congratulations followed by the question, “Are you done/Is this the last?” We even received a doc’s rec for a certain surgery. It is shocking and saddening that we have devalued children to the point of a social norm, a number, an expectation of family size. Each one of our children is nothing but the most precious gift and this world is better because of their presence. I hope we can create a massive cultural shift toward understanding, compassion, and love. Our children must be valued in a renewed way… they ARE our future. With love from one mama to another.

Becka October 9, 2014 at 8:19 pm

I too am short and when pregnant there is only one way for the baby to grow. When I was expecting my second child our family went to a museum when I was six month along and a worker assumed that the baby was due any time and offered to bring me a chair!

K October 9, 2014 at 8:34 pm

So hurtful, at the church women’s group (it’s small, only about 10 of us) and at NO TIME during my 40 weeks pregnant did anyone comment about how I looked cute or had a nice pregnancy body (I’m overweight) and pregnant with my third. BUT, when the cute 29 year old with the cute belly all small, the ladies were all over every week how cute she looked pregnant. NONE of them thought that was hurtful, they still don’t. Praising appearance for one but withholding for another–cruel.

Jamie Segrist October 9, 2014 at 8:35 pm

I’m 5’2″ and both of my kids were “healthy” size. My son was 9 lbs 2 1/2 ounces. With my daughter I was big and big fast….people would comment about me as if since I was pregnant I couldn’t hear! I even responded to one lady by saying ” you know I can hear you right?” I have no idea why people think its so important to tell women who are pregnant their thoughts on the matter or why I care what they think of my belly or their desire to touch my stomach! All I can tell you is that for me personally I just tried to focus on the amazing daughter I was carrying and tried not to be nasty…by making comments like” I’m pregnant but whats your excuse.” I said those things in my head not out loud:) just surround yourself with positive people and say no to the negative nellies:)

Amy October 9, 2014 at 8:36 pm

I am also short (5’2″) and the last few months I was asked by several people if I was having twins. My pregnancy was high risk and i had a LOT of ultrasounds, so I was able to assure them there was only one baby. Despite this, I still had a couple who continuted to argue “well…you never know!” Ummm…yes you can know! I doubt 8+ ultrasounds would have all missed a twin!

Brenda October 9, 2014 at 8:40 pm

I was 7 months along with baby number 7 when an older man in the checkout line behind me started commenting to me how large I was. I was speechless that he was so insulting. I couldn’t wait to get away from him. The next day I encountered a young lady when I was purchasing several little girl clothes. This young lady asked me if I was buying them for my granddaughter! I guess my few strands of gray were more noticeable to her than my belly.

cassandra October 9, 2014 at 8:48 pm

I had one unfortunate encounter with an older gentleman during my 3rd pregnancy. He approached and asked, “When are you due?” After telling him I wasn’t due for at least 2 more months he said, “Do you think you’ll make it?” I said I was pretty certain I would, so he felt the need to follow up with, “Maybe you’re having twins?” I said since we had had a few ultrasounds already that was unlikely. He ended our conversation with, “That baby is going to be a horse!” I walked away shaking my head. Men tend to be the worst about these remarks in my experience… And to be, despite the fact that this was undoubtedly the worst conversation of this nature I have ever had, the truth is pregnant women are sensitive. And I think we have the right to be, pregnancy is beautiful and should be cherished but it can be fraught with unspoken difficulties. So there really is no set “You should NEVER say this to a pregnant woman,” b/c each woman is dealing with a deeply personal set of blessings and trials in pregnancy. Some women have no issue laughing off body image remarks, but they struggle with other things,my personal pet peeve was being told it was “soon,” having developed GDM as well as being in almost constant pain being reminded of the length of time I would STILL BE PREGNANT was anything but comforting even if it didn’t seem that long to other people. In the end the most important thing is to remember to be sensitive. This is a personal time in ppl’s life, and if you don’t sincerely care then maybe you should work on that for one thing but for another don’t just make flippant remarks.

Ann S. October 9, 2014 at 8:49 pm

I’m currently 6 weeks away from my due date of my 3rd child and I get the same comments about my belly that sticks out a mile. Same way I carried my other 2 children. And I popped right away with all 3 babies. I’m also 5’9″, so I don’t think height has anything to do with how large or easily we show. My 1st pregnancy, I had a coworker comment about how big my belly was and how I was going to have a fat baby and fat babies grow up fat and become fat adults. Interestingly, my 1st 2 kids were average weights and have always been average to slightly below average in weight, although both are healthy eaters. This pregnancy I was recently picking up my oldest son at school when some woman I’ve never met yelled across the parking lot “Oh My Gosh, you are HUGE! Please tell me you’re going any day now.” When I mumbled I had a couple months to go she said she didn’t know how I’d make it. Meanwhile, all the other parents there to pick up their kids were all staring at us. Yes, fun times. Of course I didn’t think of the comebacks until later.

Serena October 9, 2014 at 8:50 pm

I think there are some amazing comments here. The only thing I would like to add….is that it seemed everyone had advice for me, usually old wives tales but advice or personal questions. It was kind of amazing (in a weird way) how perfect strangers would come up and touch you, give you advice and ask VERY personal questions. I had a second grader one time ask me about my placenta!? I simply responded with, I was quite well and he needn’t worry about anything else. Another thing that was horrible was hearing lots of horrific labor stories, especially with my first child, I was terrified!! Everyone likes to tell their story and pregnancy seems to invite perfect strangers to tell theirs, touch you, give advice, comment anyway that would like, and to ask you very personal questions… is what it is, but perhaps with more people talking about how it made them feel it may stop a few of us from being quite so rude.

Rachel October 9, 2014 at 8:54 pm

I sure do! People on here need a reality check. Instead of getting offended, say, “why yes, I’m growing a healthy baby inside of me and I’m so fortunate to be able to do that.”
Other people in other countries don’t have that. I think some commentary on your belly will not kill you.

Gretchen October 10, 2014 at 11:34 am

Agreed! Maybe one of those commenting had a miscarriage or small baby…and, they truly think something might be wrong. They might just care…educate them or ignore them. It’s simple! They might even just be jealous!

wendy October 17, 2014 at 10:44 pm

I guess perspective is everything….A woman who waited years and years to watch her body change while her babies grow inside her may not find these comments offensive at all….A woman whose lost her only pregnancy might give anything to hear them!!!

Jess White October 9, 2014 at 8:59 pm

Love all the rude comments people feel are necessary to make to pregnant women :-/

You can imagine what looks and comments happen when your 34 weeks with triplets….15 lbs of baby. Oh yea…that was fun lol

You look beautiful.

Jacqui October 9, 2014 at 8:59 pm

I still remember the first time a real stranger said something to that effect. During my first pregnancy I worked in a small Christian store. One of the few exemptions to the dress code was that I could wear tennis shoes instead of the regular dress shoes.

I was around 7-8 months and my belly went straight out (I got a lot of “you must be having a boy!). I’m 5’9” and a lot of leg. I needed to tie my shoe and between the belly and everything, the only way it was possible was by putting my foot on something and carefully reaching over (in this case, a small table we used as part of our info desk).

I did my funky manuver then turned to go work again. A gentlemen in his 50/60s was standing there. “Oh! That’s why you did that! I was gonna tell you it is rude to put your foot up like that to tie your shoe! I didn’t know you were pregnant! You don’t look pregnant at all from the back!”

I smiled and helped him, but at that moment, knowing that, I was ready to melt into the floor. Not being able to bend down to tie my shoes was bad enough, but knowing someone else saw and was going to call me out on it until they saw my pregnant belly made it worse! I double tied them from that point on!

Angela October 9, 2014 at 9:01 pm

I just had my 4th child as well and received a lot of the same comments. With all my pregnancies i carried big. This time around i was lucky to have a co worker who has become a great friend ruin interference when people started getting too portends or saying things that really should be kept to them selves. As for how i felt learned not to let bother me. Now the post baby weight i am working on hopefully when i return to work o only hear positive things.

Stacie October 9, 2014 at 9:07 pm

A customer at the bank I work at told me when I was 7 months pregnant that she hoped I delivered soon because I was looking pretty “hefty”. Took every bit of self control not to hit her in the face and lose my job!

Ang October 9, 2014 at 9:24 pm

I’m sorry this made me laugh! I’m so glad I’m not the only one that’s wanted to throat punch someone. I mean, seriously. I’ve been asked TWICE when I was due– when I wasn’t even pregnant. Definitely not good for the ego.

Stephanie October 9, 2014 at 9:11 pm

I had two responses when I would get questions like this: if a woman said something remarking about my size, I would answer her question and then say “When are YOU due??” If a man said something, I would say “Yep I’m pregnant. What’s your excuse??” These were almost always met with faces that said “I can’t believe how rude you are for saying that to me!” and I would use that as a teaching moment. Id tell them that while they probably didn’t intent to be rude or hurtful, comments like that are.

Tanya October 9, 2014 at 9:12 pm

I feel your pain! With my second pregnancy it was my MOTHER that commented about how I had always had a bubble butt and this was the first time I had been wide in my life. She said it in front of everyone at my daughter’s birthday party. I promptly put her in her place! I think pregnant bodies are beautiful in whatever shape and size they are. I mean come on there is a miracle happening in there!

sherry October 9, 2014 at 9:14 pm

These articles can be ridiculous sometimes. Women get pregnant. Our body looks pregnant. You can’t hide it, change it, or cover it up. it is what it is. People, strangers as well as family enjoy seeing a new life, any life. Puppies, kittens, baby elephants, etc. It’s human nature. The only thing negative is articles like this about whiny, spoiled, egotistical, vain woman. Worry about having a healthy baby. Hate to break it to all of you, but, it’s not about you anymore.. There’s more to worry about besides how you carry a baby.
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SMS October 9, 2014 at 9:24 pm

I guess I must be weird. I was so thrilled to be pregnant. I could have cared less what comments were made. I knew I was doing the best I could to have a healthy baby. If someone asked to feel my belly I let them. I wanted to share my joy with the world. I have 4 sons. When you have a read head it is no longer about you. Everyone is touching his hair. I just washed it when we got home. There are many people who will never fell the joy of a baby kicking from the inside. I was happy to share. There are many who will never have the opportunity to touch the hair and cheek of a baby. Once again I was happy to share. I know all about germs etc. ( I’m a nurse.) The firsts part of my career was in a nursing home. Every chance I could get I brought the kids in. It brightened so many days. Sorry you take things so personal and literal. I loved being pregnant. The Mom gig is pretty good too. :)

Rebecca October 9, 2014 at 9:26 pm

I will never understand why people feel the need to comment when someone is pregnant. Do people forget that the whole point of pregnancy is to grow a child? When I was pregnant with my first daughter, one of the women I work with told me that she couldn’t tell if I was coming or going because my butt was getting as big as my belly. I only gained 30 pounds with that pregnancy. I was bigger with my second pregnancy and got just as many comments.

Amber October 9, 2014 at 9:29 pm

I’m pregnant with my fourth baby and have popped out early this time. I’ve been self conscious this whole pregnancy since I started out heavier than usual. In the beginning people would ask how far along I was and when I answered 12,14, 16 weeks, they would immediately look at my belly with a look of confusion like “hmmm she still just looks fat”. Now, I look obviously pregnant and when they realize I still have 9 weeks to go, they again look at my belly like “geez your gonna be REALLY huge by then” I thought I was handling it all fine but lately it’s all the comments I get.

Vanessa October 9, 2014 at 9:36 pm

My second pregnancy was SO different then my first. With my first, I hardly gained weight and barely had a baby. With my second, it was like my body said “oh yeah…watch THIS”. By two months I was already forced to wear maternity clothes. And I was hungry, ALL THE TIME. My MOTHER (yes, my mom) actually said to me “if you keep eating like that, you are not going to be as big as a house, you are going to be as big as an apartment building!” Thanks mom. I will add as a side note, that I didn’t gain any weight. I actually lost weight and was put on bed rest and told to eat as much candy, ice cream, and cookies as I could.

Vanessa October 9, 2014 at 9:36 pm

**I meant baby bump.

Traci October 9, 2014 at 9:37 pm

I love how everyone carries so differently! Isn’t it great? I’m am 5″5″, medium framed, and when I was finally pregnant (after years of trying) with my first, I carried small–for the first 7 months. Then I “exploded.” So it was strange to have people consistently say “Oh, really, you’re that far, you’re so little!” switch to “Didn’t you have that baby yet?!?” My OB never raised any concerns either way. I guess I was so happy to be pregnant it didn’t upset me too much…but I felt did enjoy telling people afterwards that my baby was almost 11 pounds. I think what irritated me more was when people tried to tell me whether I was having a boy or girl based on how I was carrying, or how different my body reacted to each pregnancy. Btw, awesome post by your husband! I have “had to” occasionally remind mine to not make comments of suspected pregnancies to women!

Sarah Haden October 9, 2014 at 9:43 pm

I am about to have my 6th baby in ten years. I am smallish, healthy and happy. I SOO identify with what you are saying. It doesn’t matter if the person is being intentionally hurtful, what matters is the full on lack of tact and social couth that is so rampant in our society that w no longer even notice it….except when it hurts us. Good on ya for posting this.

Emily October 9, 2014 at 10:09 pm

Call me weird, but I don’t mind most of the comments and touching. Most comments are sweet and it’s an easy conversation starter when you’re a pastors wife of a large church and sometimes don’t know how to break the ice. Maybe it’s also because I have been blessed with a nice pregnancy shape and am carrying well. I invite the touching especially of close friends, family members and children when my baby kicks. I want them to be able to share in my joy! This may change as I have more children but so far I am fully embracing this new stage of life!!

ilene October 9, 2014 at 10:15 pm

Yes, yes, yes, I am the Mamma of ten beautiful children. Started in 68, finished in 86.
Five sons and five daughters. Nursed everybody. I felt beautiful with my babies. My body always rebounded. I am 70 years old, 5′ 120 lbs. Happy and healthy!! Best years of my life.

Mom of 6 October 9, 2014 at 10:16 pm

My mother-in-law, who is well-known for being blunt, has said some doozies. When I was pregnant with our first child, I attended a baby shower in our honor which took place about 18 hours before I gave birth. As I sat there, Indian-style, feeling uncomfortable and LARGE and a week past my due date, my MIL, who was sitting across the room, spoke out loud and clear – “Look at how she’s sitting! No way she’s going to have that baby any time soon! She’s not big enough to have that baby yet!” Last thing I wanted to hear and yes, there were tears. Fast forward to New Year’s Day this year and the hospital room where my daughter had just given birth to her third child less than an hour earlier. In walks MIL, who takes one look at my daughter, and says, “She still looks pregnant to me!” Seriously?! She had just given birth to baby #3 less than an hour before! OF COURSE she still had a belly!

jamie October 9, 2014 at 10:17 pm

I actually have to opposite problem. I wish a few people would say I look pregnant. I have had several people comment on my weight gain lately. I am nearly 33 weeks pregnant and apparently I just look fat. :( with my oldest I returned to work after maternity leave and probably 99% of my customers thought I had just quit my job. They were shocked to find out I had given birth. More than one person had the audacity to ask if I had adopted because they were sure I was not pregnant. This is my 4th pregnancy and a coworker, who is a larger gal herself, said I don’t look anymore pregnant than she does. People just need to mind their own business.

Judy October 9, 2014 at 11:11 pm

Really? Can’t you just ignore those comments? Why get offended or stressed? I am pregnant and HUGE and I really don’t care what people say…. It’s not worth my attention or thoughts. Why the need to create a “protocol” list of what’s appropriate, when the only thing this does is create irrational anger amongst other pregnant woman who normally wouldn’t care but now feel they must react to every comment that’s not a compliment.

Rachal October 10, 2014 at 12:10 am

I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one struggling with the comments. They’ve really started to bug me. What happened to every woman, baby and pregnancy are different?
I’m seven months into my first pregnancy. I’m just now really starting to show. Throughout my pregnancy, I’ve had who knows how many women say that I’m not very big. Frankly, I’m glad I’m not very big. I know someone who is on her fifth pregnancy and a month behind me. She still isn’t very big. I hope I continue to be small throughout all my pregnancies.

Momof8 October 10, 2014 at 1:38 am

Goodness…I think we are all a little bit touchy, too sensitive. People mean absolutely no harm when they remark on the size of your belly. I loved it when people noticed the life inside me, no matter how they did. I loved it when strangers rubbed my belly. Good grief…we are all a part of the human race and most of us become fathers and mothers and have babies. There are so many other things to get upset about – this is definitely not one of them. Focus on the best parts of getting to have a baby.

Iulia October 10, 2014 at 5:22 am

Ladies, you look absolutely gorgeous! Unfortunately, I too have heard some not so pleasant comments. In my last week of pregnancy I went to buy a new robe. excitedly I told the lady at the register that it was for my hospital stay, the lady looked at me and said “oh, I didn’t realize you were pregnant!” I literally had to force myself not to cry or punch the lady, not sure which one I wanted more;)

LittleRock205 October 10, 2014 at 6:26 am

I had many comments through out my three pregnancies but there is one that definitely sticks out in my mind. I was grocery shopping and I was very near my due date so you can imagine the state of my stomach at that point. An elderly man came over and grabbed something on the shelf next to me. Then he asked me my due date. I told him and then he preceded to tell me that pregnant women always creeped him out. It is just weird, he said. Thankfully for him it is very hard to offend me but I warned him that if he continued to tell pregnant ladies things like that he was liable to get a smack in the head.

Mimi Reynolds October 10, 2014 at 6:54 am

My third child was born 16 months ago after a 9 year gap. Yes, he was a wonderful surprise, but the “oops” comments really ticked me off. Just because he wasn’t planned by us doesn’t mean he wasn’t planned by God (or wanted by us)! Also, I was turning 40 at the time and I actually had a family member ask if that was safe. My last 2 pregnancies were scary, bed-bound nightmares, so this did not go over well. Turns out his pregnancy was the easiest of the 3, and his 12 and 9 year old sisters love him to pieces.

Julie October 10, 2014 at 7:13 am

I REALLY hate the cop-out that is the term “glowing”. To me, it smacks of insincerity and comes across like a preggo version of “Bless your heart.” Nope. Also, my policy on touching my belly: if you didn’t put it in there and you’re not under 4 feet tall, you better leave it alone.
I really thought this was going to be a different kind of post, and I like that you took it in the direction that you did. It bugs me when people act like pregnant women are some kind of victims or protected class.

Jacquleen October 10, 2014 at 7:14 am

I am back and forth on this. I am currently 30 weeks along with my 3rd. For the first 26 weeks I did not look pregnant at all, just fat. Woke up the very day of turning 27 weeks with a large pregnant belly and from then on its been very noticeable. For the first couple weeks I enjoyed the comments. Finally it was obvious I was pregnant and not just fat! Although now I am getting the comments of “when are you do” with replies of “really? still that long?” and its driving me crazy. With #1 (boy- 8 yrs old) I didn’t show at all until my 36th week, my 2nd (girl- 20 months old) I showed what seemed like immediately and now this one (boy) took forever to show. I can say what bothers me the most aren’t really the comments about my size instead about my daughter. I can’t seem to go anywhere without hearing how adorable or cute or pretty my daughter is even when my son is right there. He gets his feelings hurt and I can’t get my grocery shopping done without being stopped by twenty different strangers that feel the need to talk to and about my daughter while making my son feel like he doesn’t exist. C’mon people, think before you speak!!

Sandy October 10, 2014 at 9:12 am

I feel for you! When I was pregnant with my fourth my belly was huge…when they’d ask “any day now?” when I was only 5 months pregnant, and I would say no, still 4 months to go they’d ask if I was having triplets. (I wasn’t, thank you!) One rude person even asked how many “puppies” I had in there…That was just beyond rude!Ugh! People!

HRP October 10, 2014 at 9:14 am

After 4 years of barrenness and at least 2 miscarriages, I have been blessed with 3 children in the last 4 years. Each one of my children has been a joyous surprise! I gained 40 pounds with each of them, and measured my belly with the last one, to find that I gained close to 13 inches around my belly during that pregnancy. I definitely heard the comments.

However, It never ever bothered me. I read articles like this, and wonder. Is it because being a mother was my lifelong desire, and because it wasn’t an easy thing for me that these comments don’t bother me? I instead find myself so thankful that I have had the opportunity to carry 3 children to term and hold those children in my arms! I am incredibly thankful to be blessed with this family that I have!

The ONLY comments that bothered me was when my MIL told my husband to “tie a knot in it” when we told her we were pregnant again after our second child. We lost that baby, and got pregnant again right away. I was a little more sensitive to comments during that pregnancy, but it was the comments due to the fact that we were going to have 3 babies, not the comments on my size, that I found offensive. Also, the question, “How are you feeling?” is one of my least favorite. I’m pregnant, thanks. There’s a huge world that goes along with that: SPD, Heartburn, extra emotions, getting kicked in the kidneys, etc. However, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, and am thankful to have had the opportunity, 3 times so far, to bring a new life into this world.

Beth October 10, 2014 at 11:10 am

I think I’m probably in the minority here, but I really haven’t gotten any of these comments that bother me. People feel compelled to comment on pregnancy–not sure why this seems to be human nature but it is what it is. I really don’t think people are trying to be rude at all–they are trying to be friendly, empathetic, conversational. I understand that we as pregnant women are far more sensitive and hormonal (I was fighting back tears all day after I heard my stepdaughter say something really cruel about what our baby might look like), but I think when it comes to us and our appearance, particularly size, maybe we just need to chill a bit. Yes, our bellies our huge and everything’s growing. It is what it is and will continue to be, so long as women have babies.

Put on a smile and respond enthusiastically and that enthusiasm will spread. Don’t assume people are trying to insult you. Personally, I’ve never gotten so many smiles and helpful gestures as when I’m pregnant. (I’m on number four). I get asked very frequently–“Is this your first?” which I find very amusing and I enjoy the look of shock when I tell them it’s number four and the ages of my other kids. I’ve only gotten one negative comment–from an older, childless (I think) lady at work where she asked, almost in disgust, “Was this planned?” But….I take the source into consideration and shrug it off. Who cares? I’m happy, my husband’s happy, my kids are happy and we’ve got plenty of people happy for us. Not going to let it ruin my day if one woman who doesn’t know the joy of motherhood question my decision. :-) Peace to all you mamas and you’re all beautiful. Own it, claim it and be confident in it!!

Gretchen October 10, 2014 at 11:31 am

I think after the first child, women shouldn’t take things so personally and seriously. A lot of the people making comments might have never been pregnant and are just ignorant. Why not tell them it’s not appropriate to ask those questions or make those comments? Why should you feel bad? They are the ones who need educated. If you don’t feel like educating them, then you can just say “It’s none of your business.” You are the one carrying (or, if wrongly identified as pregnant, not) the child, and you have the control. I get tired of the pity party mentality. Poor me, people think I’m fat. You’re carrying a human…who cares what they think? Maybe, ‘Wow’ means they think you look great for the stage you’re in. Maybe, this is a self-confidence/security issue…maybe, the only opinions you should care about is your significant other and yourself. The rest can be ignored.

Ann S. October 10, 2014 at 12:00 pm

I don’t think most people take it personally, it just gets annoying and tiring hearing comments about your size over and over and over again. I’ve never had self-esteem problems. I know I don’t have a super model body and I’d like to lose about 15 pounds (post-pregnancy) but I know I’m healthy and think I look pretty decent for my age. However, when I was pregnant with my first and a coworker kept telling me how huge I was and that I was going to have a fat baby that would grow into a fat kid and then a fat adult and she’d tell me that every time she saw me, which was a few times a week. Well, yes, I was annoyed. I knew I was healthy and the baby was healthy. I didn’t gain much weight elsewhere, just my belly and I was well within the expected weight gain for pregnancy. Plus they measured my belly at each appointment and said I was right on track. I told the woman this, yet she still felt compelled to tell me I was huge and having a fat baby. It just got REALLY annoying to hear. On top of it, this woman was about 5 feet tall and 5 feet wide with a list of health problems that were weight related so she had no room to talk. When people make these comments to pregnant women, sometimes it’s followed up by something indicating you’re not keeping your baby healthy or at least sounds that way and that is really personal. Would you go up to a complete stranger and tell them they are overweight or underweight and indicate that they aren’t being healthy? Most likely not, so why is it okay to say so to a pregnant person? If I heard it once or twice during the entire pregnancy, I wouldn’t care so much. But to hear it all the time from multiple people, yes it is a bit annoying.

Chaton October 10, 2014 at 11:59 am

People feel entitled to comment about a lot of dumb things to pregnant women. Can’t figure out why. Best wishes to you three lovely ladies!

sophia October 10, 2014 at 12:46 pm

At 20 weeks I looked full term. After a women called her friend over to see how big I was, I wrote this to my best friend :

Almost thinking of printing this out and just handing it to strangers when they talk to me. I’m tired of being polite about their comments. :)

I get big, fast. I have a condition called polyhydramnios. It means I carry extra fluid. It also means I’m at a higher risk for:
Pre- term labor
Labor complications
Or a stillborn.
My condition is idiopathic. It means they don’t know the reason for the condition. For other women their condition may not be. This condition can be caused by birth defects. As if women were not constantly anxious about pregnancy in general, a complicated loop is thrown in the process.
Personally, for me, my condition also causes me at twenty weeks to look like I’m about to pop. It also causes:
Having trouble breathing
Pain, sometimes extreme
Quicker fatigue rate during minimal work
Large more painful spider veins
Difficultly feeling fetal movement

As well as the other joys of being pregnant, and the mere fact, pregnancy and I never agree. The whole 9 months ( or in my cases 7.5) it is a true labor of love.

I am also working full time, going to school more than part time, keeping up a house with two cats, a dog, a husband and chasing a beautiful one and a half year old around. My husband,family, and friends are my greatest support. Even with that:

Just smile at me, and if you must comment, Tell me I look beautiful, even if I don’t. Most days are battle days. My kid has just asked for an extra big swimming pool, and I am hoping it doesn’t break too early.

Lana October 10, 2014 at 1:34 pm

I think one of the worst comments I got with my last pregnancy was, “I didn’t even know you were pregnant!” which was told to me just days before I gave birth. I felt like a cow to begin with but the fact that this woman thought that I looked like that all the time was just so depressing. I was carrying an 8 lb. kid and I am pretty sure I “looked” pregnant. This did not do great things for my self esteem.

martha brady October 10, 2014 at 3:21 pm

as a mom who had a miscarriage and still birth, i never had hurt feelings when people talked about the size of the baby growing. it is nothing about you, but a happy compliment about the baby growing inside you. i truly don’t “get” the feeling of being personally hurt by those expressions.

meaning is in the mind of the person talking and unless you know them very well, assume they coming with the best of intentions. they probably are. most women remember (from a distance) their childbearing years as a happy time of their lives. they are happy for you. they want to encourage you even if they do it awkwardly. what does it hurt to assume they came with bad motives? nothing. by assuming the best motives, you go blissfully thro’ your day and happily receive a compliment…”wow, you are big, the baby is growing and apparently healthy. that is a good thing. you go girl!”

i understand why the apparant smallness of a baby can raise concern, but tall women tend to carry well and don’t look nearly as huge as short women do. it all has to do with our confidence level. we’re pregnant and delighted. what do we care what others think about it?

if comments are made about the number of children we have…who cares? it is our family and our decision. move on.
if it is the size we look when we are pregnant? who cares? we won’t change everyone and most people don’t think of it as a negative comment.

i agree that comments re the health of the baby should be kept to one’s self unless you have been specifically asked.

i really don’t get the desire to touch someone else’s pregnant belly! so weird. if they ask and it makes you uncomfortable…just say “no thanks.” they don’t have to understand or like your answer.

Paula October 10, 2014 at 4:36 pm

We are expecting baby #6 ( really, baby #9, we lost 3) It’s really too bad that people feel the need to tell us we have too many children. It’s worse when they say it in front of your other kids! Really, which one should we have skipped having? And when you have a larger family apparently that means they are allowed to ask about your relationship with your spouse….”Don’t you know how that happens?” My favorite answer to give is, “yes, and we are darn good at it!” 😉 I also get, “they make things to keep that from happening”. When did it become okay to make these comments? We have received mostly kind comments this time…with a few “what were you thinking” and “better you than me”. What happened to just saying Congratulations? I feel sorry for people that can’t see the joy in our lives and it’s their loss if they don’t want to be a part of it!
After being pregnant this many times…I swear I pop out right after the line appears on the test! :) Hubby thinks it’s great and always tells me how beautiful I am. So very blessed!

Chris October 10, 2014 at 5:49 pm

If I ever said anything similar, believe me, it would be out of fear at the thought of what you are facing. That ‘Wow’ would be awe at your matter-of-fact bravery.

Hannah October 10, 2014 at 5:49 pm

I’m personally not offended by people commenting on my pregnancies. I think it’s great that people are so fixated on new life. Every once in a while there will be a rude comment, and in that case, just shrug it off. You are growing a beautiful life inside of you and that’s all that matters. All pregnant bellies are beautiful, so don’t take people’s comments so seriously and most of the time people don’t mean to be insulting. We all say stupid things at times.

Megan October 10, 2014 at 7:46 pm

I always got the questions of being to small and if the baby was ok, he sure was, 10 lbs 4 oz healthy baby boy! People don’t mean hurtful things by what they say but it sure can be hard to shake some of those comments off!

Michelle Schwartz October 11, 2014 at 12:41 am

Maybe people are saying this because today’s maternity fashions are so form fitting compared to what I wore 15 or even 12 years ago. I don’t think the tight form fitting shirts are flattering. The looser shirts do not make you look as if you’re going to burst. Perhaps these kind of comments are made by older women who wore looser clothing when they were pregnant years ago. Just a thought.

I agree that people should be sensitive to the expecting mom’s feelings and not make careless comments that may be taken the wrong way. Women come in all shapes and sizes and carry babies in a variety of ways. I’ve seen very thin petite women carry twins and gain 80 lbs. I’ve seen overweight women gain very little weight where no one would know that they were pregnant.

Mary Cardini-Anderson October 11, 2014 at 2:03 am

You look absolutely beautiful! Celebrate the rest of your pregnancy. Do not let the ridiculous remarks make you cry or make you feel sad. What a wonderful and joyful time this is for you and for your family. Bless you and SMILE BIG. 😉

Mary from NH

Abigail October 11, 2014 at 6:32 am

A female colleague told me she could tell I was due soon because I was gaining weight in my face. Oh my!
People can be thoughtless and rude and it especially hurts when you feel like an Oompa Loompa.
I try to think of the grace that has been shown to me, as I have been rude and thoughtless at times too.
Sometimes all you can take away is the reminder to not be a jerk like the old lady in the grocery aisle was! I sometimes look at people and say “that’s a hurtful comment”. They looked shocked, but hey, it’s helping them out. If you’re gonna be dumb, then you better be tough.

miracle October 11, 2014 at 7:35 am

I got a lot of comments about how big I was. And in totally honesty they didn’t bother me. I was huge and I did carry really big in the front and it was totally okay. At 6 months I did look like 9 month for some women. I was huge and big because that was super healthy for my baby. I felt like it was a badge of honor. I think the main problem is that most people just don’t know what a pregnant woman’s body really looks like. It’s really big in the end. I knew my body was doing exactly what it needed to do. BUT, I love this post because it reminds me that some women get their feelings extremely hurt by comments. And while for me it felt like i could finally feel comfortable in my changing body, for some women it’s an incredibly sensitive time. I am very sensitive to that. I think this conversation is so much about body image in the USA and how crippled as women we are because of how ill-treated we are when not pregnant. Pregnancy could be a time to totally embrace the round swollen hugeness of life, but because of so many things, that’s not okay either. It’s just really broken here on so many levels. Prayers for you! You are gorgeous!

Lisa October 11, 2014 at 12:32 pm

I have the exact same due date as yours and am also pregnant with my third. While out shopping this morning, the salesperson asked when I was due. I told her and the look on her face was priceless….. she followed it up by saying “wow, you have a long way to go!” I must have looked shocked because a different salesperson, a young gal in her early 20’s probably, said quickly “Oh, you look great and the time will fly!” It was just so amazing to me to have, in an instant, one person be so insensitive while another so kind. :)
Have a wonderful third trimester! I am excited for you!

Sonya October 11, 2014 at 2:32 pm

I will never understand why people feel the need to comment however they would like to pregnant women. I know that the touching alone would drive me crazy. I always make sure to tell the pregnant women I know how great they look and ask how they are feeling. It’s not a time that any woman should ever feel bad during.

Mona October 11, 2014 at 10:02 pm

I get the “was it planned?” A LOT. I’m 37 and not married so I guess people just assume that my pregnancy was an accident. I love how people assume that because I didn’t walk around screaming from the rooftops that I wanted a child, that this was not supposed to happen. I’m an extremely private person at work. How do they know I wasn’t aching inside to have a child? That I’ve always wanted to take care of something other than myself, my boyfriend or my multitude of pets? I also have to say that all of a sudden, family feel as though they have some sort of say in how I raise the kid….it’s not even born! This isn’t what I signed up for…my boyfriend’s mother is a control freak and has judged our decision to NOT find out the sex!!!! Are you kidding me?? I’m already tired and the baby hasn’t even been born. Wow.

Tiffany October 12, 2014 at 8:44 pm

Wonderful post. After reading posts like this, I’m reminded of why I continue to read your blog. Not that I don’t understand the necessity of sponsored posts in the world of blogging, but it’s posts like this one (and the one about putting on a swimsuit to have fun swimming with your kids) that resonate. I love your writing style, very straightforward and diplomatic, and for that reason I look forward to reading your book when it comes out. :) P.S. Good luck with your pregnancy and thank you, as always, for sharing.

TAllegra October 14, 2014 at 12:26 pm

At 5’7″ and curvy, pregnant with my first baby I am surprisingly small at just shy of 7 months pregnant (I have only gained ~10 lbs). That said, my little bundle is above average and delightfully healthy (!!!) SO many people comment on how “small” I am with a sense of shock. I will admit I was fearful I would balloon out and fill in those curves, but I haven’t. Do I feel fortunate? Yes, that I am having a healthy pregnancy and baby girl – but I am also feeling a sense of camaraderie to the sisterhood all pregnant women whose body image is toyed with throughout this season (I loved that phrase). I have taken to using the phrase “societal Tourretts” for all the unwelcome and judgey comments (inadvertent or not) that have been offered up under the guise of conversation.

Jessica October 14, 2014 at 2:08 pm

I don’t understand people sometimes. I am a little heavier set and I’m taller so I never got asked if I was even pregnant, people would just assume I was fat. It is really disconcerting when you already have body issues and people transplant their issues onto you. Pregnancy is beautiful no matter if you are petit or heavy set to begin with and no matter how you carry your child whether low, high, forward. It’s all a miracle and people really should just butt out. I never was offended by people asking when I was due in and of itself, my problem is the comments afterwards. Also if you are going to ask someone when they are due make sure you KNOW without a doubt that they are pregnant. But I think sometimes too we need to stop being so harsh on ourselves. We are our own worst critic but we need to try to let people’s words fall flat. (Better said than done though with all the hormones going on!!)

mandy October 14, 2014 at 2:31 pm

The person who hurt me the most was the doctor. There were three that I was seeing and I had asked not to be seen by this particular one anymore because he was very rude and made me feel bad. So the day to deliver comes and the other two are on vacation and this particular doctor was on call. I had to have a cesarean and the morning after he comes to do a check up and says, “you know why you couldn’t have this baby naturally right?” “Let’s just say next time you need to watch what you put in your mouth.” I was mortified. The next baby is due soon and in another state with another doctor and I’m worried about my weight, this doctor puts me at ease after I tell him what the other doctor said and he tells me if that doctor would have done his homework he would have known that the size of my pelvis is what dictates that, not what I eat. The first baby was just too big, the second baby was just right. I will never forget the birth of my children, both beautiful experiences I just wish the doctor had watched what came out of his mouth.

Sadee October 14, 2014 at 3:02 pm

I apparently have a small baby bump and every just loves telling me how small I am for 31 weeks, not to mention when people ask about my stretch marks and act horrified when I tell them that yes, I infact, have stretch marks. Or how my significant others family made it a point to tell me to watch my weight because I guess to them I was “fat” before I got pregnant, and how I am candidate for diabetes… Oh so your a doctor now too?? This post totally made my day, and I am glad other ladies know how I feel! It’s nice to not be alone!

Krista October 14, 2014 at 3:17 pm

“Wow!” is perfectly acceptable, as long as it’s followed by “you look stunning/beautiful/gorgeous/etc.”

Tanya October 14, 2014 at 3:52 pm

I wrote a similar post late September. I feel for you and can relate fully to your experience. Good luck with the rsst of your pregnancy!

Kris October 14, 2014 at 4:32 pm

Aren’t we just slightly over sensitive in this society. People for the most part are just curious and interested in your growing bump. We should be happy we live in a country where our pregnant bodies and our children have some of the best care in the world. Having 3 kids she should really know how short the time really is and learn that feeling beautiful when your pregnant comes from within and being healthy, not what people say.

Nanja Danhof October 14, 2014 at 4:33 pm

I surely don’t understand American women on this issue. Why worry about what other people say about your pregnant body? Why is it so important what other people think or say? It seems impossible to say the right thing to an American pregnant woman.

Jessica October 14, 2014 at 5:28 pm

after my first child was born (about 6 weeks postpartum) someone asked me when I was due. I was crushed. It was extremely insensitive as this was a complete stranger. What didn’t help matters was that I had the baby with me

Rhiannon October 14, 2014 at 6:58 pm

Im 25 weeks pregnant with number 2 and have already gained 14kgs. Pregnancy number 1 I gained 30kgs and looked like a swollen mess. I was determined to not do the same this time and have been very health conscious and yet I seem to be going down the same path. I’ve had so many people comment on how good I look until they find out how long I’ve got left. It’s like they think I’m at the end. It’s absolutely devastating to have those comments of ‘oh maybe your having twins’ or ‘wow you’re much bigger than I was’. My personal fave is ‘you don’t want to be putting on so much weight’, like I have the choice or like I’m enjoying being this big! I would love to have only gained a couple of kgs but it’s just not happening. These comments make it really hard to enjoy an experience that should be magical :(

Ashley October 14, 2014 at 8:12 pm

At 6′ tall, I carried a relatively small belly with both my pregnancies. About halfway through my second pregnancy, I was barely showing when a male coworker (completely serious) said “Wow you look huge! Either you’re having twins or you put on a lot of weight” So rude.

Shan October 14, 2014 at 8:48 pm

I’m a petite woman (under 5 feet) and I didn’t gain a ton of weight during my pregnancy. I gained 20lbs from start to finish and was very pleased. Others were not. People constantly asked how much I weighed and how much I had gained and is the baby growing etc. I started to get worried that maybe I wasn’t gaining enough. I had a big round belly, what more did people want??? It bothered me how much I was judged by something that was beyond my control.

Anon October 14, 2014 at 8:53 pm

This is my first pregnancy and I’m carrying both all in the front and very small. I’m 31 weeks and I’m just now starting to have an actual bump. I’ve had relatives calling me weekly telling me I need to eat more and that I’m hurting the baby and am I sure there is nothing wrong. It’s been very frustrating. My baby is perfectly healthy and the normal weight….he’s just a little shy :) But now that I’m finally showing some I’m in an awkward stage. I work as a waitress and during a brief conversation I mentioned my pregnancy. The rest of the conversation went like this Girl: “I told you she was pregnant!” then she turns to me and says “We were just arguing about whether you were pregnant or not.”
Guy: “Great thanks a lot. Now she knows I thought she was kinda fat”
…….thanks guys…that’s what you wanna hear….

Kelly October 14, 2014 at 9:56 pm

Oh, I loved every word of this!! We must be due within about a week of eachother (I’m 27 weeks tomorrow with baby #2) I’m also petite 5’2″ and have been getting tons of the same comments the past couple of weeks! Just tonight I was out on a walk with my husband and son and got stopped by a neighbor who said “I can’t believe your out WALKING?! Are you trying to get that labor started?” Trying to hold back the tears I said “No I’m still a little ways out from that, I just wanted a little exercise” I was totally humiliated and after we turned the corner I cried the whole rest of the way home. But I guess I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one going through this!!

Stephanie October 14, 2014 at 10:54 pm

I’ve carried on the smaller side to the point where I’ve required extra tests and monitoring for 4 weeks now. Our baby is measuring “Small for Gestational Age” I’ve been self-conscious about it when people remark “I can’t believe you’re 8 months, you can’t be! You’re too small!”

As my Dr said people always a) feel the need to comment and b) use an extreme, “your tiny!” or “wow you’re huge!” I agree just say someone looks beautiful no matter what their size. We dont need to over analyze ourselves any more than we already do!

jen October 14, 2014 at 11:56 pm

I love this! I would get comments about my “small” belly and begin to worry some more. As if it wasn’t enough to worry about carrying and keeping the baby healthy, now people (unintentionally) were making me stress that the baby was too small!

Julia October 15, 2014 at 1:28 am

I can totally relate. I just had my baby girl two weeks ago and starting at 25 weeks started getting asked when I was due and how it must be any minute. I’m a petite girl, at 5’1″, and the baby was always measuring large. Random people on the street would comment asking if I was having twins. The worst was a women at 7-11 ask if it was twins. After I responded no, she said oh it must be a girl, they make you big all over. I wanted to reach over the counter and slap her. Instead I walked out and had to stop myself from crying. People really need to keep their thoughts to themselves.

Colleen October 15, 2014 at 7:31 am

Good for you for putting this out there. I just had a fit because I read another article that bashed skinny women. Yes, I have a thigh gap-I can’t help it!! We have feelings too! Would you ask an overweight person how much they weigh? No. Would you call them a fat bitch? No. So why is it OK for you to call petite women ‘skinny bitches’? By my sixth month of pregnancy I had gained 42lbs so I get it. Please try not to let other’s insensitivity effect you. Hopefully this article makes more people aware that their words hurt. And bravo to your husband! Thank you!

Fay October 15, 2014 at 7:53 am

Perhaps this is a good reminder to all of us to be careful what we say when we don’t know what to say. I think a lot of “hurtful” comments simply come from insecure people. My advice to those of you who struggle with hurtful comments (pregnancy-related or not) is simply refuse to let them get inside. It’s not your problem. It’s theirs. Easier said than done, I know.
That being said, I will admit to being furious with the nurse who was going to let my IV port in “because you’ll need it for surgery tomorrow.” WHAT?! My mommy brain didn’t even absorb why I “needed” surgery. She had to tell me what surgery I was “going” to have. 😀 I had just given birth to my fourth child, first daughter but we certainly had never considered surgery or even discussed with the doctors or midwife on the team. Ever.
I have never figured out what motivates people to ask “are you done? yet?” I think having a humorous, tongue-in-cheek reply is probably the best way to help one person at a time think before they ask another person the same question. So maybe we can all help each other create sensitivity and decency among the non-pregnant crowd, yes?
I admire the lady who replied above that she had finally figured out what causes babies. She stopped washing their underwear together. :) Answers like that will probably be the best immunization for repeat offenders.

Melissa October 17, 2014 at 3:54 am

I had a mom of a friend of mine say (in front if a group of people) “your only 12 weeks?? You are showing so much though”. I too am only 5’1 and it’s my second so baby really has nowhere to go but out… I felt huge, and fat and unattractive. Didn’t help that I was still in the extremely emotional stage!

Candice October 17, 2014 at 9:18 pm

I have 4 children…. so the pregnancy comments when i was pregnant with my 4th ran along the lines of “you do know how stuff like that happens… right?” um nope.. obviously i don’t.. would you care to educate me?
But i think the WORST part about being pregnant in a small community like mine is having everyone touch my belly withOUT permission. They’d just walk up and fondle my belly, like they had every right in the world to do so. I had this one mother that i knew… we aren’t friends, but we have kids in the same grade together, just roll on up to my belly and touch and talk to my baby. No asking, no Hello how are you.. just “aww there’s the little baby… how are you little baby?” then.. once my youngest was born.. She’d see me coming with her.. and just scoop her up like she owned my kid. totally without permission, and totally inappropriate. there’s a reason we aren’t best buds.

G October 19, 2014 at 11:38 am

I will never understand people’s reasoning to think it is ok to say these things to a pregnant woman. I dealt with last year during my first pregnancy. Around 6 months it started & i hated going to work due to the comments I would get from total strangers in the elevator or ppl in my office that I didn’t even know well. Brought me to tears & i would feel just terrible. My doctor never once said or showed any concern with my weight, but I continued to get every single comment mentioned in this article. Finally my hurt feelings turned into anger & anyone who dared say something stupid ended up getting a response they weren’t expecting. To one woman in an elevator did the wow thing & he must be a big baby to which my response was “well that was rude, but thanks for feeling the need to tell me that.” Stunned for a moment perhaps realizing what she said was offensive, she attempted to make it better by saying “oh no, that just means you’re going to have a big healthy baby”. “Hmm mm right” I said in a unbelieving tone before she wished me best of luck & getting off at her floor. I said nothing. Another one by a man in my office who was so obnoxious with his disbelief of how far I was before asking if I was having twins got a direct response he was not expecting. I said “you know a piece of advice, never ask if a woman is having twins unless she tells you that & never comment on her size. That’s extremely rude & hurtful as if we have any sort of control over the matter. Believe me I know my size & my doctor says everything is perfectly norma/on track. Otherwise be prepared for the respose you get/deserve bc pissing off a pregnant woman isnt the smartest thing to do”. Those are just 2 examples of many I went through, but without a doubt i know when I did start to respond that based on their reaction to my responses I think & hope i taught them a lesson moving forward.

G October 19, 2014 at 12:09 pm

I was thrilled to be pregnant & expierence this miracle, however emotionally you’re not really the same person you are pre pregnancy. Adjusting to all the changes in your body is a process & a big deal so there is no wrong way to respond to something to things like this. To each their own. Doesn’t make you any less grateful if you’re alil more sensitive than some. All ppl though should think a little bit more before speaking especially when sharing their comments/opinions to women you don’t know was really my point in my last comment.

Emily October 20, 2014 at 2:34 am

I had comments every day during my pregnancy. As much as I tried to let it go over my head, it eventually really got to me. I wrote the following piece about it and found it very cathartic. I hope you like it!

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