Seriously, I think Hallmark needs to come out with some REALLY honest Shoebox greeting cards about pregnancy.
Because, y’all, people are not honest enough about pregnancy, and a humorous perspective is definitely needed.
Here are a few topics I think they could cover:
Card #1: You will pee when you laugh, sneeze, cough, even puke
I knew I wanted a natural birth for Elias, but I didn’t realize what that would physically do my muscles. Laughing, sneezing or coughing hard all result in incontinence now, if I am not careful.
And with the morning sicknesses of babies #2 and #3, adding puking to the list. Yep, if I don’t go to the bathroom before throwing up, I would likely pee myself. And sometimes I still do even with that precaution.
And I know I am not the only one because when I mentioned this to a friend who is also pregnant, she said, girl, I just put a towel between my legs when I puke.
Card #2: Your breasts will hurt so much you will not be able to hug anyone for months
Pregnancy websites talk about “breast tenderness” but that doesn’t go far enough. I am amazed by how much they hurt. Adeline wants to lay on my chest all the time and I yelp in pain!
Card #3: You are going to need new underwear
Again, this should be a duh, but I didn’t expect it the first time around. I knew I would gain weight, but didn’t think about my butt. With this pregnancy, I just went ahead and bought a pack of underwear a size up from where I was, knowing that I was going to be packing some more junk in my trunk.
Card #4: Strangers will want to touch your belly – a lot.
This is such a strange phenomenon. Why do strangers come up to you and think it is okay to touch your belly when you are pregnant?
Card #5: People will ask inappropriate questions.
Get ready for inappropriate questions like, are you having twins? How much weight have you gained? Did you plan this? People have no boundaries when talking to pregnancy people!
Did any of these experiences resonate with you? If you were going to suggest a topic for a Shoebox pregnancy card, what would it say?