I Cried

by jessicaturner on May 23, 2009


Yesterday was Elias’s last day in the baby panda room. I had to pick him up early so we could go to the airport to fly to Wisconsin.

We put all the things from his cubby into his diaper bag.

His extra Gerber puffs.

His baby tylenol.

His pacis.

His name tags.

His pictures that hung in the room.

His teacher told me that she had to rock him to sleep because she knew it would be the last time she got to rock him. When she said that, I almost lost it, but somehow managed to hold it together… barely.

He was their littlest baby you know… he started in there when he was just six weeks, remember?

As I walked out of the room, I fought tears. Another teacher yelled down the hall, bye Elias.

I could barely respond bye back.

As I pushed open the door and was hit by Nashville humidity, I started to cry.

My baby was growing up.

I know he is just going to be in the room next door, and that his loving teachers will be poking their head in all the time, but it isn’t the same.

I thought back to the story my mom likes to tell of me going into kindergarten, without looking back.

And I got it.

And I felt like a mom.

I called Matthew, bawling. He thought I had been in a car accident or someone died.

When I told him I was sad about Elias moving up, he thought I was being over emotional.

He’s such a guy, isn’t he?

So I called his sister Lis who has twin 4 year-olds and a 6-month old. She got it and cried with me. Thanks, Lis. :)

Do you get it? Have you cried over these types of milestones before?

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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

livelaughlove95 May 23, 2009 at 1:40 pm

I seem to get choked up about stuff that I didn’t really expect to be emotional about for example:

I almost cried the other day when I took my 4 yr old to Chick-Fil-A after school. He had ordered chocolate milk with his meal and I reached for the carton to open it for him. But, he grabbed it before I could, opened it (quite deftly), picked up the straw, took off the wrapper, put it in the carton and then closed the carton opening around the straw.

When did he learn to do that? He did it so easily and matter-of-factly, no struggles, no hesitations, no looking at me to make sure he was doing it correctly, he just did it.

Ack! He’s growing up!

Malia

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The Secret Life of Kat May 23, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Yes. I cried when my first child grew out of her #1 diapers.

How sorry is that?

I blame sleep deprivation.

:-)

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Anonymous May 23, 2009 at 1:44 pm

When my daughter was 3 my husband and I thought it would be good to send her to school 2 days a week. I was a stay at home Mom and she had never even been left with a babysitter so I assumed this would hard for her. When we were told at parent orientation that it would be best to drop her off at the front of car line (instead of walking her in) I thought there is no way…thinking she would not even get out of the car. Well, the day came and I tried to act very happy and excited. She was so nervous she would not touch her backpack or even smile for the camera. By the time we got to school she had the biggest smile on her face. The teacher opened the door and out she hopped, she turned and blew me a kiss and off she went. I, on the other hand, pulled into a parking place and bawled. I called my husband and then sat there for a good 30 minutes not knowing what to do. I finally left and went shopping.

They grow up way too fast!!

jennifer h

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Melissa May 23, 2009 at 2:22 pm

It’s what us moms are wired to do. And the guys are never going to get it. Heck, I just cried about Elias growing up. It takes me back to all those “growing up” moments in my kids’ lives. I have my second going off to college in August – my only daughter (in a houseful of boys)! Okay, now I’m crying about that. It just never gets easier. But – the flip side is that as they get older, they amaze you and make you proud in so many new and different ways. It’s worth the journeying on and encouraging that growing up. One of my (many) boys is autistic, so I have that added perspective of facing a future of uncertainty with a child that will likely not “grow up” in some of the “normal” ways. It makes the letting them grow much easier and causes a whole different set of tears to flow.

I was one of those moms when they were little that would say “I wish they could just stay little forever” while my husband looked at me like I was crazy. I loved the whole baby/toddler/little kid adorableness that was having young kids. But they grow up and just make you “bust your buttons proud” as you watch what God can do with their unique gifts and personalities. It’s been worth ever tear and they’ll just keep coming, I sure, while my sweet guy continues to watch in clueless confusion.

Enjoy the ride, Jessica. It does go fast. (And I think it speeds up as time goes on.)

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Tasha May 23, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Oh,man I get it.We are having our youngest’s 1st birthday party tommorrow.I just want to stop the clock!And then my other daughter who will be 4 in 2 weeks is constantly talking about going to stinkin’ kindergarten!Nooooo!!!!!!!!

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Deanna May 23, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Yep, I totally get it. Yep, I just sent my oldest to kindergarten this year. Yep, it felt like my heart was being ripped out. And yep, I’m convinced that I better just keep having babies because it’s so hard when the other ones grow up so quickly!

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amykiane May 23, 2009 at 2:33 pm

I cried the my son's first day of preschool (he stayed at home with me until he was 3 1/2). I cried his last day of 3 yr old & his last day of 4 yr old preschool. Cried the first day of Kindergarten & the last. Cried the last days of 1st, 2nd & 3rd grades because he is growing up & because we love his teachers.

I don't think it gets much easier.

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The Miller Family May 23, 2009 at 2:48 pm

It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one :o) My “baby” is going to be 3 this week and I’m a mess. Maybe partly because I’m pregnant with #2 right now too, but sheesh… it just goes so fast. You’re not alone! :o)

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Rebecca Louise. May 23, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Men just never get it! Have a lovely time in Wisconsin! xoxo.

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Paula May 23, 2009 at 2:51 pm

Yes, you will cry so many times. Hopefully they will be mostly tears of joy and pride. (These little cries are just conditioning you for the rich, emotional ride of being a mother for the next 20 years.)
Love,
Paula

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Chatty May 23, 2009 at 3:13 pm

Um, I have three kids Jessica and I still cry over every milestone. We have two cribs because they are all so close in age we’ve always had two in cribs at one time, but one of the cribs (our original crib which was Lady’s) also transitions into a toddler bed. When Lady turned two we transitioned it into a toddler bed for her, and I cried. I took pictures of her sleeping in her crib for the last time when she took her nap, and then took pictures of her playing in her “new” big girl toddler bed. Weeping the entire time! I’m getting a little sad just thinking about it!

This past fall she outgrew the toddler bed size and we gave her a twin bed, and moved the crib DOWN THE HALL to Mister and Sweet Babe’s room so that Mister could take the “big” crib and Sweet Babe could move into his very own crib. And? I cried for Lady moving into a real honest to goodness Big Girl bed and I cried for Mister moving out of his little spindle baby crib into the “big boy” crib AND I cried for Sweet Babe moving out of our room and into his very own crib.

Seriously. Big Fat Tears.

And then this week we caught Mister climbing out of his crib and getting stuck on the rail so we figured it was time (for safety reasons) to transition his crib into a toddler bed. So we did. And…..I cried.

I think you said it best- this is what it is to be a Mom.

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Chatty May 23, 2009 at 3:16 pm

by the way..GORGEOUS pic of you and the sweet boy!

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Rebecca May 23, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Oh, I'm right there with you! I always cry about those things. I cried when our daughter moved up to her new class & cry every single year on our son's last day of school. I am also getting more & more emotional about our daughter's all too quickly approaching 2nd birthday.

I live in Wisconsin!!! I wish we were having better weather for you. Or maybe it is nice where you are, but it is pouring at our house.

Enjoy your trip! :)

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Stephanie Click May 23, 2009 at 3:20 pm

Oh yeah. I get it. I cried reading your post. I’m graduating one from preschool on Thursday and another from kindergarten on Friday. I’ll be a sobbing mess … I’m sorry to let you know that it doesn’t get easier … Even with the next child.

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Southern Gal May 23, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Well…my daughter got married last weekend. I cried. My son is graduating from high school next weekend and I’ll cry again.

Thank the Lord for my baby who is seven and not so much a baby. But it feels good to NOT have an empty nest right now. I don’t think I could take that. He knows what’s best.

And yes, tears came all the time when milestones were passed in my children’s lives. You have a good cry and get it all out!!

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breebrasil May 23, 2009 at 4:02 pm

My boy is 19 mos old and I cry every time we change wardrobes (03 mos, 6-12 mos, now we’re going into 24 mos). I cry as I fold each favorite outfit and the memories – oh he was wearing this when we went to visit so and so, oh he wore this on mother’s day, etc. And yes, my husband rolls his eyes – honey, this would go much quicker if you just folded it and put it in the box.

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Angela May 23, 2009 at 4:21 pm

yeah I get it. I just about cried when they moved Isabella into the next room at church. She can’t be this old yet! My husband thought I was nuts for getting emotional about that but I did.

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Karla May 23, 2009 at 5:42 pm

I totally get it. We homeschool now, but I remember the huge lump in my throat each “first day” of school, when my oldest went.

Off the subject, I love the way your hair is cut and styled!

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Heather May 23, 2009 at 6:31 pm

My youngest child just finished ninth grade and my two older children have already graduated… I still cry every first day of school. Every milestone. I cried the other night when my nieces had their Awanas awards program. Mommies are just wired that way!

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Dawn May 23, 2009 at 6:51 pm

I get it! I’m sitting here in tears reading your account of picking him Elias from his last day in the panda room. I’m a crier and I cry about this kind of stuff all the time. When I nursed my daughter for the last time I cried. When she graduated to her big girl bed I cried. When I pack away clothes that my kids have outgrown I cry.

They just grow up SO fast, don’t they??? I’m trying to treasure every moment!

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Rochelle May 23, 2009 at 8:37 pm

I absolutely get it. I got teary reading your post. My children are 20 and 22 and are at college most of the year…I cry every time they go back. It’s just a mother thing. We’re more emotional. Tears are good. It shows how much Elias is loved by you as well as your school.

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amanda june May 23, 2009 at 10:10 pm

Hate to change the subject (well, that’s not really true, because I don’t have kids and consequently don’t have anything to say on the subject), but — haircut?? It looks GREAT, and that photo is absolutely adorable!

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Andi May 23, 2009 at 10:46 pm

I wouldn’t even go home the day my youngest started kindergarten. The house would be too empty and I was bawling (cried for his sister too but I still had him at home, so I had to suck it up) – spent that first 2 1/2 hours walking around WalMart and crying on the phone with whoever would listen!! Our babies grow. It is the dichotomy of parenting, we want them to grow strong and not need us any longer but we also long for them to stay our babies. My youngest is now 12 and I still cry over the silliest things….

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JillEBean May 24, 2009 at 12:22 am

I totally get it!!! My daughter was the youngest in her daycare class, and the day she moved up, I cried like a baby!

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Stephanie May 24, 2009 at 2:22 am

It’s scary isn’t it? I do it all the time…cry and worry. Such an adorable picture of the two of you! It’s times like those that I think men should be as sentimental as we are :)

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Anonymous May 24, 2009 at 4:38 am

Oh Jessica! I’m Still cryin’! They’re 27 and 24! Once a Mother… I find that Meds help! Hugs #;-D

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Harriett May 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

I cry at every school assembly, every choir program, every class party. Heck I cried at kindergarten field day the other day!

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Cindy May 24, 2009 at 6:20 pm

Have I cried?

The worst for me was the day I put my baby on the school bus for the first time. Yikees! Even though I knew my next door neighbor was driving the bus I followed it all the way to the school and watched him get off. Then I cried again as I drove away, knowing my husband worked at the school and would be there all day.

So silly are we as moms.
Now my baby is almost 24 and I still get teary eyed when he does something new.

Blessings, Cindy

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Anonymous May 24, 2009 at 9:32 pm

I understand completely! I cried all the way through my 3 yr. old daughter’s end-of-year preschool program. At the end, they showed a slideshow of all of the kids doing different activities throughout the year and put it to music. I SOBBED!

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Carrie May 26, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Well shoot, I just teared up just thinking about it! Aww! I don’t have any children, but I can’t imagine a day like this, I know I’ll be a basket case, always am, good or bad. Ha. :)

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Anna May 27, 2009 at 12:20 am

I SO get it! Your post put tears in my eyes I had to fight bc my hubby might make fun of me. It’s not a baby I even know IRL! LOL. But yes, I cried when my daughter walked into her first day of preschool and I know I’m gonna cry on her last day (they are having a little show for the end of the year for the parents) and I know I’m gonna be crying that day too! It’s so bittersweet isn’t it?!

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Patti May 27, 2009 at 7:57 pm

I have gotten in “trouble” for being over emotional before too, in fact my husband thought the exact same thing, that I had been in an accident and it made his heart stop. Milestones are a huge deal and I cried when I went back to work, cry nearly every night when I check on her in her crib. They are tears of probably 30% sadness, but then 70% joy. These are our first babies and it is natural to be emotionally attached to each event that occurs with them. It is such a tangible reminder of how much God loves us as His children. :)

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About The Brown Eyed Bunch May 29, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Uh I teared up reading it! It’s even harder when they are done with daycare and moving on to elementary school!

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VanderbiltWife August 7, 2009 at 4:00 pm

Pretty sure I cried over this post the first time, and it's made me cry all over again!

We are pulling Libbie out of her daycare next week to go to home care, and although it's for the best it kills me. She's been with those teachers since she was 10 weeks old. They love her. WAHHHHHH.

I also cry every time we have to go up to the next size of clothes.

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