My heart has been heavy. I know many of you read my dear friend Angie’s blog and know the story of her Audrey. You also may read MckMama’s blog and know the story of Stellan, the miracle baby who had a similar diagnosis to Audrey, but lived. Well Stellan is all of a sudden very sick. Very sick.
And I can’t help but ask why God? Why? It is just weeks before the one-year-anniversary of Audrey’s birth and death… please don’t take Stellan Lord.
The God I serve is a big God, who has mighty hands of power, forgiveness, and grace. He can heal. But sometimes he does not. And the only way I can find comfort is knowing that His ways are not our ways and that He can see a much bigger picture than I can…
Last night I nursed Elias and he fell asleep, like he almost always does. But unlike most nights, when I pass him to Matthew and he puts him in his crib, I couldn’t let go. I listened to his breathing, felt him clutching the neckline of my nightgown, felt his chest go up and down against mine… as I held him I thanked God for my healthy son, who is growing like a weed, jabbering sounds up a storm. And then, I thought of Angie and Audrey, and I thought of Jennifer and Stellan. How does a mother go from holding her daughter, to losing her hours later? How does a mother go from thinking she is going to lose her son, to him being miraculously healed and nursing him for months, only to find him unexpectedly in the hospital, fighting for his life?
I am praying that God’s will be done for Stellan, whatever that be. But I can’t help but also pray that His will is to heal Stellan. I pray that we will see another miracle. Regardless, I pray for peace that passes all understanding. I know that God answers prayers, but I also know that the ways in which He answers them do not always look like the way we want them to. I know that He is not surprised by Stellan’s unexpected sickness. And I know that He hears the prayers of the thousands praying for this little boy, regardless of the outcome.
I found comfort in Psalm 5:1-3 this morning
1 Give ear to my words, O LORD,
consider my sighing.
2 Listen to my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray.
3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
Will you join me, and so many others, in praying for this little boy? God hears us.
Also, hug your children and loved ones a little tighter today. We don’t know how long we have on this earth. Last week, Stellan was smiling and seemed healthy as can be. Today, he is fighting for his life.
Subscribe to my blog here
Twitter me – I’m JessicaNTurner